Here it is!

**Lefty** · January 2nd, 2004, 12:11 PM

The keep-it-going thread.

*Corking champagne*

It will be a lousy year anyway. One can make this prediction every year and every year it'll come true.

Let's see what we'll have:

World's largeast elections in India
The 9/11 report Finally
The olympics in Athens Always a favourite event for terrorists
Elctions in Australia Probably
The civil war in Iraq with our without US forces, because of:
The US presedential elections
Euro 2004 soccer championshipWhich means no Brazil, so we have a chance in **** of winning
A few horrible natural disasters As always
The G8 summit in Georgia USA Expect the regular demonstrations, a bit worse since anti-globalists are usually also anti-americanists

Happy 2004!

**Lefty** · January 9th, 2004, 02:05 PM

So, whatever will I do to keep myself occupied these coming months? Vote now and win great prizes! (Among others are available: a GTO, an uniform and a torture-film!)

I, the viewer, would like to see

A Lefty's impression of an empty board on a cold winterday (*1)
B Lefty complain about the absence of his imaginary friends (*2)
C Lefty strip nekkid and read The Nation, also completely naked (*3)
D Lefty writing up tickets for people who pass the sonic lounge at a 100 MPH (*4)

Vote now, send a text-message to 1-800-97573 containing the words "Lefty" followed by the letter of your choice, e.g. "Lefty B" ($1.25 p.s.m.) and next week we will show you the results!

(*1) Impression may be rhyming and sung in high-pitch screeching voice
(*2) Lefty does not acknowledge existence of any imaginary friends, living or dead
(*3) Magazine may cover bodyparts and possible electronic extensions nobody wishes to see
(*4) Radargun may pick up objects and thread not responsible for widely ignoring Sonic Lounge

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ January 09, 2004 10:12 AM: Message edited by: Lefty ]</font>

**Lefty** · January 16th, 2004, 01:06 PM

It has been a week and this new format has failed like a CBS reality show should have. Not one single call. But do not fret, your host has figured an honorable way out of this situation. He has acquired (read: taken from his mommy) dice which he is going to roll in order to resolve this problem. Two, since six is not dividable by four in one roll. This is how it works:

1 to 3 gives option A
4 to 6 gives option B
7 to 9 gives option C
10 to 12 gives option D

Joining us today is public notary William D. Berenger (no relation to Tom) who will see to it all is handled off fairly. Hello, William.

Hello, Lefty. Great to be here.

Likewise. Now, let's do this thing.

*First roll*

You rolled two, Lefty

*Second roll*

That's a three. Together that makes 5.

I know, I did the math. So, that gives us option B.

I'm reading: "I would like to see Lefty complain about the absence of his imaginary friends." Congratulations to all our viewers today for not having to see Left naked. I've seen it and let me tell you: it's not a pretty picture.

Shut the f___ up. Okay, next week in this very thread you will see me complain a little bit more about complaints I have made before.

Happy, happy, joy, joy

*Gunshot*

Stay tuned. In two weeks time we will teach you how to get rid of human waste and how to lie to the police.

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ January 16, 2004 09:07 AM: Message edited by: Lefty ]</font>

**Lefty** · January 28th, 2004, 05:33 PM

*Deep breath*

Woe is me! Even the voices in our head have abandoned us. This makes us feel very lonely. Imagine, to not even keep your own insanity interested in you. Woe! Woe is me!

*Cough*

I'm bored with this game. Let's play the waiting game!

**Lefty** · February 5th, 2004, 05:29 PM

It seems everyone is playing.

*Sigh*

I promise I'll get to a drinking game soon. I just have to settle on a tv-show. There's an Ally McBeal game (for old time's sake) but I don't have any tapes for that show...

Let me see...

Ah! The Simpons! I have plenty of Simpsons episodes... Here:

Have one sip of the cheapest beer per successfully met condition:

Homer:

"D'oh!" --2 sips if it's not Homer
eats donuts
drools
has an erection

Lisa:

mentions humanity
participates in another dike feminist cause
plays the sax --2 sips if one sings with her playing

Bart:

makes crank phone call --2 sips if someone dies from prank
goes to france --2 sips if he goes to Amman, Jordan

Grandpa Simpson:

complains
writes a complaint letter --3 sips

Marge:

hair casts a giant shadow
kisses Homer
growls at Homer
douches

Marge's sisters:

are in a scene --3 sips if they are separated
smoke --2 sips if they shootup

Flanders:

mention God --5 sips if they convert to Islam

Itchy and Scratchy:

are in a scene
one of them dies --10 sips if Scratchy sodomizes Itchy
their theme song is played

Maggie:

falls down
says something in a flash forward
urinates and excrements in her tight silk panties

And one sip for the following:

a warm fuzzy happy ending where the family gets closer together.
a life in **** type character is shown
someone talks to God or Allah
CARASSO is seen in Moe's tavern

Sheesh, one will never get drunk of this game. Not even when beer's replaced with scotch.